🟨🟧🟩🟦『https://t.me/socialrogers/』 - Dear Sir/Madam,i'm glad to know you,this is Tracy Lee from **** furniture hardware factory in china.we are the producer of high quality office furniture, modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.i attachment our e-catalog for your reference; any demands please kindly contact with us. Thanks.Best regards.....🟨🟧🟩🟦
Dear Sir/Madam,
i'm glad to know you,
this is Tracy Lee from **** furniture hardware factory in china.
we are the producer of high quality office furniture, modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.
i attachment our e-catalog for your reference; any demands please kindly contact with us. Thanks.
Best regards
.....
点评:
1,开头Dear Sir/Madam,最好不要这样写,如果知道客户的名字,最好直接写上,这样会给他一种被尊重的感觉。即便是实在不知道名字,能确定性别,最好就明确写Dear sir 或Dear Madam.如果连对方性别也不知道,那就写Dear Sir or Madam, 最好不要出现“/”,这个符号,容易让客户觉得这是一封群发的模版邮件。
2,I'm glad to know you.这句话是有问题的,我知道你要表达的意思,但是这句是典型的chinese english(中国式英语),是根据中文的字面意思翻译的。并非表达有误,只能说表达不地道!我相信你肯定不会从欧美客户的邮件力发现它的。如果你见过这个客户,可以说Glad to see you shenzhen.或者 Glad to see you Canton Fair.或者Thank you for visiting our company!等,或者干脆用Glad to write to you!尽量用欧美人的寒暄方式,不要将中国式问候翻译成英文,那样会很别扭、恨生硬。
3,his is Tracy Lee from **** furniture hardware factory in china.这句话没有错,但是为了突出工厂,最好写成*** furnture hardware factory.
4,we are the producer of high quality office furniture, modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.这句话是不是有点长?如果要写长句,最好用从句,结构上会比较分明,看上去更舒服。另外producer(生产者)这个词我个人觉得其视觉冲击力没有manufacturer(制造商)強。当然这只是我的个人看法。
5, attachment our e-catalog for your reference; any demands please kindly contact with us,一开始就谈“需求”是不是太直接了?如果换成any questions,pls do not hesitate to contact us 会不会更委婉一些?
根据以上分析,我重新写一下,看看是不是比原文有一点进步:
Dear Sir or Madam,
Glad to write to you! This is Lee from*** Furnture Hardware Factory in china.
we're the MANUFACTURER of high quality furniture with competitive price!
Such as office furniture, modern classic furniture, mental classic furnture, hardware,etc.
Attachment our e-catalogue for your reference !Quotation sheet will be provided at once if needed.
Any question,pls do not hesitate contact me. Thank you!
Best regards,
Tracy le
所以,在任何情况下,写邮件都要“三思而后行”。每次写完后,都要重新通读几遍,研究研究,看看哪些语句不通顺,或者哪些词用的不太恰当,有没有更加委婉的用法,能不能进一步瘦身减肥等。
检查后如果找不出问题,也设法继续浓缩,那就试着换位思考,把自己当场客户,模拟一下场景,设想自己收到这样一封邮件,有没有兴趣点开,有没有兴趣看下去。要尽量抓住客户眼球,简单明了,一目了然,使对方看一眼就大致知道你在说什么,这样你就成功了。
永远记住,邮件是写给客户看的,而不是给自己看的,要站在客户的立场来思考问题,那些东西需要些,那些废话可以省,都是需要斟酌的。你不是说开发信越多越好,数量不重要,质量才最重要。要让客户按delete(删除)时有那么一丝犹豫,要让客户打开时多停留两秒,考虑是不是应该回复一下,这才是最终目的。
既然有了目标,那就不要嫌麻烦,多看,多练,多研究外国人的行文方式和语言习惯,对自己的水平提高是非常有益!
❤️🔥
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